Love & Romance in the 21st Century

by Elisabeth Griffin

We are led to believe through cultural programming that we should find one person and be with them for as long as possible. That this is a sign of a healthy and successful relationship.

It’s certainly not a bad sign. And let’s face it, there’s nothing more fulfilling than a happy relationship… than being in love… true love. Having a best friend that you can’t keep your hands off, someone who shares your dreams and wishes, that you choose to be with even though you love your own company, because everything is better with them.

Someone who makes the ordinary seem magical.

Someone so wonderful that it’s as if they were made just for you, and you for them. Someone who’s shadow and flaws are effortless to love unconditionally.

The only problem this partnerships like this, is you have to believe it’s possible in order to experience it. Not an easy feat in a world like ours.

My parent’s split when I was three, were divorced when I was four, fought my entire childhood and teens years and still do not speak to this today. So I can tell you that believing in true love, and never giving up hope, has not come easily to me, especially after having had so many disappointments in love myself.

But nothing seems worse than the possibility of giving up on love. I’d rather be a fool who hopes until my last breath, that my true love is on his way, than give up in defeat and accept mediocre or a cat lady destiny, even though I fucking love cats.

Personally, I will never give up hope on true, epic and mad love. But on the flip side, I refuse to settle and would rather be single than invest and exchange energy with someone who doesn’t set my heart on fire.

The Sad Reality Of Many Relationships

How many couples stay together because they fear of being alone, fear the opinions of others, or for the fear they may not anyone else?

How many rush into relationships and ignore the red flags because without taking the time to make sure they are truly compatible. That they are capable and equipped to fulfil all of your needs and desires.

How many people have never even really truly asked themselves what they hearts truest and deepest needs and desires are?

How many people just try to make things fit with the first person they feel attracted to? Without even analysing why they are attracted to them?

How many women end up with a man who is just like their father and how many men end up with a women who is just like they mother? Simply playing out unconscious wounding and codependency?

How many confuse love with attachment?

How many are in relationships that feels like a world of compromise?

How many are in a daily battle of power trips, emotional manipulation, guilt trips and black mail?

How many become alcoholics, shopaholics, gameaholics and/or TV addicts because deep down they are starved for affection and a feeling of true safety? How many secretly wish they were dead?

How many people feel guilty and ashamed they are full of anger, when actually it is a sign that there is an injustice taking place. That there is a call to action. For underneath anger is always sadness.

How many become violent because they have no safe oulet to express themselves? Nobody who truly listens to them.

How many partners silently and insidiously abuse their partners emotionally by withdrawal their love and affection when they don’t get their way? And then play the victim when their partner erupts?

How many emotional terrorists think that just because they don’t shout or erupt, that they aren’t doing anything wrong and are superior?

How many suffer in silence and won’t dare tell anyone, to try and protect their image. An image that most can easily see right through. Not realising that being honest and open would set them free and allow healing and resolution to begin.

Now realising that their need to keep up appearances comes from fear or what others think. From an insecure need to be approved of by others. From a very fragile sense of self.

How many people are prisoners in the world’s greatest prison: caring what other people think.

How many people have no idea who they truly are because instead of really trying to ask and dig deep, they’ve tried to fit into a mould of who their father, mother, teachers or peers think they should be?

Once you can break free from caring what others think.. truly.... this is when your life actually begins. This is when you can truly start getting to know yourself. When you will begin to taste true freedom. And wisdom.

Relationships Are About Learning

The purpose of relationships is not so that we can "have" somebody as if they were a collectors item. The purpose is learning and co-creating.

The people in our lives our not there by chance, they are there by law of attraction, by the science of like attracts like.

Partners are our vibrational matches. Just as water will always level itself out, so do we magnetize people to us by our frequency. For every thought and feeling you have sits in your auric field and is what determines who and what comes into your experience.

When you meet someone you love being around, who gets you, who sees you, who speaks your language… who’s easy… thats a sign you are on the same frequency.

When you are around someone who makes you feel heavy, frustrated, or even repelled… it’s a sign you are not a vibrational match.

In other words, the people in our lives are mirrors to us.

They can show us who we currently are and where we are at.

And since it is in our nature to be eternally evolving, growing, learning, changing, adapting, sometimes we grow with our partners, and sometimes we grow apart.

It’s not personal, it’s just life.

This is why it’s ideal we find ourselves first, before finding a partner, because then there’s a greater chance our relationship will last longer.

People who force themselves to fit into an old and outdated box just so they can fit in with their partner and not create conflict, and ignore their own gut feelings and hearts wishes, will only become miserable, sick, uninspired, and lost, over time.

All relationships are unique, some are there simply to love and support you, whilst others are there to trigger your deepest wounds, fears and insecurities, and compel you to grow.

But all relationships have a purpose, a silver lining. If we can find the lesson.

The hardest and most challenging relationships are the ones with the biggest opportunities for personal growth, for they often require us to dig the deepest for love, self-love, self-understanding, forgiveness and the strength to move forward with out head held high.

In my personal unprofessional opinion, just based on my experience, being alone is way easier and happier than being with the wrong person.

If you have children with a partner you are not happy with then it is more complicated and not easy to assess. Educating yourself to become the best version of yourself, including how to communicate your needs and desires in a healthy way, whilst honouring your parents and and children’s, is key.

But first you must dare to face yourself, all of yourself, and get real about what you truly want, who you truly are, and who you would most like to be. Because life is short, and it’s meant to feel good, light, fun and fulfilling.

We knew this as children, and we were right. If you have children, let them teach and remind you how to live and let live. What a gift.

True Love

Love is wanting the best for someone, and understanding that they need to be completely free to make their own choices and do what feels right for themselves, even if they want to step away from you.

Love flourishes when people are open, real and living in the moment. When they are with you not because they have to be (because of threats or insecurity) but because they want to be. Because of the millions of people around you, you choose them.

Because their love makes you feel seen, alive and free.

Love comes when we trust life and God’s timing, instead of trying to control everything.

Love is appreciating each and every moment. Kissing and hugging them as much as you can. Expressing your love verbally. Embracing all the love languages.

Most of all, loving yourself first and foremost.

Seeing yourself the way God does: with unconditional love, acceptance and patience. The way your biggest supporter would.

For the ultimate truth is that you cannot experience a greater level of love than the love you give yourself.

You not only deserve your own love, but it also sets the bar for how others will treat you. It sets an example of self-worth and self-respect, for your children to follow.

And ironically, it is the least selfish thing one can do: for the best way to be in service of others, is to fill your own cup up and let it overflow to others: not only is it effortless and feels good, it will bless others the most too.

And if you are single: if you want to attract an incredible partner, you need to be the type of person you would want to date.

If you want to experience divine union with someone, you need to create a space of divine union without yourself first: balanced in your healthy masculine and healthy feminine.

For we all have both energies and must embrace and utilise both in harmony to truly grow up and become a true empowered man or true empowered woman.

An empowered feminine is not acting masculine and finding ways to manipulate your man: it is being soft, gentle, kind, open and magnetic. It is learning when to flow and trust, when to set speak up, and when to love.

An empowered masculine is not being aggressive and dominating through strength, it is knowing that by embracing your feminine aspects, it only makes you stronger and wiser: like a civilised beast: who uses his power to protect.

The Essence of Romance

I am proud to say that I am a hopeful romantic.

I do believe in love at first sight: in the sense that you instantly recognise someone you have lived many lifetimes with before, who you instantly and effortlessly love. But also get to know all over again.

I believe that love conquers all. That happily ever after is the nature of the universe.

That there is someone out there who is literally made for you and you made for them. And in the meantime, it’s okay to connect with others with you feel a pull and attraction, just be discerning and aware of what is driving you, and always be transparent about what you want.

If you feel it, speak it. Keep it simple, and appreciate the love around you, in whatever form it takes. Because nothing lasts forever.

And this is the beauty of it! Everything is impermanent and the only thing you can ever truly count on is change.

Treasure your loved ones, because you never know how long someone is going to be around.

Let the uncertainty and impermanence of life romance you, and surrender to the mystery… let it dare you to live like there may be no tomorrow.