Why Share, Confess & Express Your Secrets??

"If you trade your vulnerability for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment and inexplicable grief" - Brene Brown

Authenticity requires vulnerability, transparency and integrity.

It is releasing the idea of who we think we “should” be, and embracing who we truly are.

It is no longer caring what others think of us and accepting ourselves as we are.

Unconditionally loving all that we are, perfectly imperfect and endlessly evolving through the adventure of limitless consciousness.

"How do you react when you think you need people's love? Do you become a slave for their approval? Do you live an inauthentic life because you can't bear the thought that they might disapprove of you? Do you try to figure out how they would like you to be, and then try to become that, like a chameleon? In fact, you never really get their love. You turn into someone you aren't, and then when they say "I love you," you can't believe it, because they're loving a facade. They're loving someone who doesn't even exist, the person you're pretending to be. It's difficult to seek other people's love. It's deadly. In seeking it, you lose what is genuine. This is the prison we create for ourselves as we seek what we already have" ―Byron Katie

Ultimately in life we only have two choices: express or repress our heart’s truth.

As simple as it may seem, the challenge is that most of us were conditioned to be disconnected from our hearts.

Raised in a society that teaches us to supress and brush under the rug whatever is painful, confronting or “too much”, many of us carry a weight of unexpressed truths, stories and emotions, for the mind replays what the heart wants to heal.

Untold stories and unexpressed emotions (ignoring your heart’s truth) manifest in the physical body as anxiety, depression, dis-ease and addiction.

Research has shown that addicts are trying to ease the pain of psychological isolation caused by dark secrets, and therefore, telling their secrets was the single most powerful step that allowed them to connect with others, experience loving acceptance, and heal.

Many of us talk too much but say too little, hiding behind masks of politeness and small talk, afraid to be vulnerable and afraid to ruffle feathers.

Which is understandable, for we all know the pain of rejection, abandonment and ridicule.

Small talk has it’s place, for we must be selective and discerning about who we share with, and when. And kind to those who offer us pleasantries.

But as relationship expert, Brene Brown, puts it: our stories are not meant for everyone; hearing them is a privilege, and the need to qualify our listener is vital for our wellbeing if we are not healed.

We should ask ourselves before we share "who has earned the right to hear my story?”, and “can my story be received with the compassion, wisdom, respect and emotional maturity it deserves?”

Pay attention to what the wisdom of your body tells you: when you think of opening up to a certain someone, do you get a gut-ache when you think about it or does your heart open up? Honour that.

On the slip side, learning to listen and hold space for others is equally as important.

“Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear; all he or she needs is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for his or her suffering can be a big comfort.”― Roy T. Bennett

“Someone who is actually a good listener: they don’t jump in on your sentences, saving you from actually finishing them, or talk over you, allowing what you do manage to get out to be lost or altered in transit. Instead, they wait, so you have to keep going.”― Sarah Dessen

“We have two ears and one mouth and we should use them proportionally.”― Susan Cain

The Irony Of Secrecy, Privacy & The Need To Be Seen

Although hiding/retreat can be an important and essential step for one’s healing journey and recovery process, there will come a time when it hiding becomes heavier than being seen.

We conceal aspects of ourselves that we think invite rejection, but ironically, the very act of secrecy that can make us inaccessible to love. Often, we think we're hiding our secrets, but really, our secrets are hiding us.

Perhaps that's why, when we lie or hide the truth, our very physiology rebels: stress indicators like blood pressure, perspiration, blinking rates and breathing all increase, while immune function declines.

Our subconscious mind also joins the battle against secrecy and hence we can find ourselves telling the truth in dreams, or making drunken blurts of truth.

The more secretive we are, the more separate we feel from our own bodies, our own lives.

In other words, we get sad because we miss ourselves.

With our true self… our sense of oneness with all that is.